PART 5 – ‘HOW I WENT FROM HIGH HEELS & PEARLS…to camo!”
The Camo, The "Camp" & The Tree stand
4-7 pm. There we were, sitting in a tree ... and no, not k-i-s-s-i-n-g. HOWEVER, 'bout 15 acres away at the neighbors someone was k-i-s-s-i-n-g! An outdoor wedding, replete with a large tent, loud festive crowd and loud classical music. ThankayoumyJesus, the noise took the focus off of my whispering (albeit minimal, honest!) and my fidgeting and wiggling.
The timing could not have been worse for an avid hunter...as I promptly learned. The music, while Classical did have one familiar tune, "Hey," Doug whispered. "Is that Sweet Child of Mine they're playing?" Indeed it was! Yes, classical version. I then mused that the Brides Dad was walking her down the aisle to that song. I was correct, as we then heard Minister.
No bears, no deer, no raccoons, no nuttin! Except for a wild howling pack of coyotes. Beautiful. Hadn't thought about that ... great! Turned and reached back for his hand, was assured they cannot and will not climb a tree to maul me. AND THEN there was this damn red squirrel. Every noise, every turn of a leaf, I just knew it was something coming to kill me. Then I hear a frantic chipping chirping like a monkey in heat ...the damn red squirrel!! It was four trees away, same height as me, its tail was flipping. "Hey," Doug whispered. "That's a red squirrel, you're going to want to listen to nature, it will tell you when something is happening, watch where it's pointed, and you'll see why it's in attack mode!" I freshly, but lovingly and quietly replied, "I know it's a red squirrel. I can't help but hear its primal scream. It is pointed at me and started seven trees out but keeps jumping a tree closer. It wants to attack ME!"
After almost 3 hours (what I thought was 3 hours), he checked his phone and was happy to state, "Half hour down, 2.5 hours to go before dusk!" Crap! Dusk? Darkness? We got to walk out to the field with Ranger in the dusk? Uh oh. I'm the only thing going to get killed tonight.
"Hey," Doug whispered. "You're doing great! Three things against us — the neighbor just logged a lot of the forest so that's a deterrent, along with wedding noise, and there is still a lot of natural food out there. But you're doing great! Are you cold?" Whispering through a slight trembling shaking damp and cold body I said, "Just my hands, and nose, and top of my thighs, and feet". Ahhh ... he had those hand warmer packets you squeeze and put in gloves.
Was weird sitting so high up, shouldn't have sat cross-legged at first, need to remember to move the strap of the harness from the femoral artery more often as it cut off circulation on my thunder thighs. Having my lipstick was a definite bonus, next time I need Milk Duds and more layers, but I sat still, didn't have to go potty, never spoke higher than a whisper and hardly flinched ... except when climbing up tree because I saw a huge spider in crawling near my chin and hit it off, scratching my mouth with long fake nail — only to find out it was a moth...
Three takeaways from my first day of hunting:
1) I thought up and shared with Doug, who thought I was quite brilliant, that if you put a little kitty litter or some woodstove pellets in pee-can, it absorbs and is neater.
2) I climbed a tree and walked over slippery logs and uneven surfaces even with a disability from two strokes - love and determination are powerful healers!
3) Classical music, which pretty much rots, ain't too bad if it's a song you know......when they played "This Thing Called Love" I just kept repeating this one line from it the entire time ... and it worked...and that line was ... "YOU GOTTA BE COOL, RELAX." Jamie Woodward from L.L. Cote would have been proud of me!!!
Back to his Camp, which is a gorgeous retreat, for Bacon-wrapped Filets and Pete's Stand corn and beer. And a HOT SHOWER ... then into the Duofold one-piece long johns. Weather and light permitting, I look forward to sitting up in a tree with Doug again!
